Love.Our.Resistance

That’s all there is left to do. Wait for a phone call. Wait till the known happens.

About a week and half ago, I was told that my dad’s mother has not been eating and has been refusing to take some medications for an infection. A day or two later, my dad and his two siblings that live with us were told, that my grandmother is progressively getting worse. It was impossible to understand what she was saying and her eyes were different. And then, we were told that she had two tumors and that it was too late to save her and she might not live another month. The pain started to kick in on Friday. My dad was lucky to have one of his employers offer to pay for his ticket, he refused to take my offer as well as my sister’s. I did not tell anyone about what I learned and why did I not tell anyone, I still do not know. 

I told my boyfriend only about how she doesn’t have much longer to live, but not the reasons. I told my best-friend almost a week later about her, even more than what I told my boyfriend. Which both have been understanding, even though I seem to not understand my reasons. I did not cry about the news, I guess because it’s just so hard to believe. I didn’t cry until my mom hugged me to thank me for offering my dad money to go see her. I didn’t break down until my dad hugged me. Until I saw my dad cry, these past days I’ve seen him very gloomy, more sad than when his brother was still alive with Cancer. It’s very heart-breaking.

My dad is currently with his mother. And the rest of us are waiting for him to come back. We’re waiting for that phone call to tell us that she has passed away. And even though we will be expecting it, it will still hurt. I would think that I’d be stronger and used to having relatives pass away, so many have gone within the last 7 years. But in fact, it’s never easy. It’s just as painful as the rest. Even more so when they were extremely close to you.